How can I communicate more effectively?
Good communication skills are key to building a strong, meaningful relationship with the person you are caring for. It helps you share information easily with the person you are caring for, healthcare providers, and family members. Talking with the person you are caring for can be tough. Situations often feel stressful. Emotions run high, and the person you are caring for might not be very cooperative. You may even find there are times when you wish you weren’t a caregiver. If you find yourself in a situation where communication feels tense or difficult, there are things that you can do to improve communication with the person you are caring for and preserve your relationship.
Be patient and respectful. Try to set your feelings aside so the conversation doesn’t escalate into an argument. Walk away and revisit the conversation if you find yourself getting frustrated or angry. Try “pulling back”, recognizing the emotion, compartmentalizing it for now, using a quick easy de-escalation technique. Try counting down from 10 or taking three deep breaths. This will allow you to regroup and continue with the conversation with less emotion.
Don’t interrupt. Listening is as important as speaking. Give the person you are caring for time to explain their needs or feelings without being rushed.
Use “I” instead of “you”. Starting a sentence with “you” often emphasizes blame and may put the person you are caring for on the defensive. Beginning a sentence with “I” highlights your feelings and perspective. It avoids blaming the person for things beyond their control. For example, compare "You never use your walker like you're supposed to. You're going to fall if you don’t listen to me!" to "I feel worried when you don’t use your walker because I want you to stay safe. How can I make it easier for you to use it?"
Take turns. Allow the person you are caring for the chance to share their opinions throughout the conversation. Ask for their thoughts and input so they feel engaged.
Ask questions if the person you are caring for is unclear. Make sure you are certain about what the person you are caring for wants so that there is no room for misinterpretation.
No matter what you try, you may face challenges in having productive conversations. In those cases, keep trying and reassure the person you are caring for that your desire to help is coming from a good place.
Learn more about difficult family caregiving conversations.
Medical appointments can be intimidating, especially if you're advocating with, on behalf of, or for someone else. The person you are caring for and their healthcare provider will rely on you to get ready for the appointment and follow the care plan. You may ease pressure and anxiety by following these steps before, during, and after your appointment.
Before the appointment:
- Talk with the person you are caring for about the appointment. You can ask them how they are feeling, what they want to share with the healthcare provider, and what they are hesitant to share with the healthcare provider. Come to an agreement about the role that the person you are caring for would like you to play.
- Research the condition of the person you are caring for before talking to the healthcare provider. Look into potential treatment options for the conditions of the person you are caring for. This way, you’ll have important background information. Explore Health Topics A-Z for more information on more topics.
- Make a list of questions and concerns for the healthcare provider and bring them with you. Use the Medical Appointment Worksheet to prepare for conversations with the healthcare provider of the person you are caring for.
- Bring a copy of medical history, including medications and daily care needs. Use the Managing Medications and Supplements Worksheet to record medication regimens over time. The Care Needs Worksheet will help you list types of support the person you are caring for needs.
- Bring any important paperwork, like insurance or other health care coverage cards and other provider contact information.
- Write down and organize your thoughts.
During the appointment:
- Remain respectful, calm, and assertive.
- Encourage the medical professional to speak with the person you are caring for and fill in where things may be confusing, inaccurate, or if the person you are caring for is not able to communicate themselves.
- Discuss the most important things first. Ask questions about the diagnosis, tests, treatments, or medications.
- Tell the healthcare provider about the condition of the person you are caring for, even if the details seem inappropriate or crude.
- Repeat what you heard and ask if you understood it correctly.
- Write down new information in your notes.
- Ask about next steps. This might include new prescriptions, tests, referrals, follow-up appointments, or any other concerns.
- Show appreciation and thank the healthcare provider for considering the needs of the person you are caring for.
After the appointment:
- Review the new information with the person you are caring for, making sure you both understood aftercare instructions or discharge plans, new medications, etc.
- Update your notes with the outcome of the appointment.
- Assist the person you are caring for with following the healthcare provider’s orders.
- If you have lingering or new questions, explore the patient portal or call the nurse triage line.
- Contact the healthcare provider if you notice problems or new concerns with their health.
Learn more from the Institute for Healthcare Improvement’s Guide for Talking with a Health Care Team.
There are several ways to avoid conflicts with family members:
Discuss and agree on important decisions. Hold a family meeting to discuss the condition of the person you are caring for, define their care needs, and plan how to move forward. Be sure that everyone contributes, feels heard, and understands the options. Learn more about holding a family meeting.
Share in the responsibilities. Think about each person's unique situation. Consider their abilities, financial situation, schedule, and how close they live. The Care Needs Worksheet will help you and other family members determine what types of assistance the person you are caring for needs. Determine who is best suited to provide certain types of care. Use the Caregiver Coordination Worksheet to divide up the caregiving duties.
Keep in touch. Determine the best way for everyone to communicate. Share updates, changes, or issues with everyone as they arise. Explore other organizational tools to store information, share calendars, and keep in touch.
Avoid blaming. Accidents and miscommunications are bound to happen. When mistakes are made, give your family some grace and acknowledge that everyone is doing their best. Avoid letting frustrations and other negative emotions escalate to arguments.
Ask for help. Make specific requests for help when you need it. Accept offers from family and friends. Create an environment where everyone is comfortable sharing how they feel and asking for help. Learn more about how to ask for help.
Try to repair relationships. When tensions run too high and conflicts start affecting care for the person you are caring for, think about group counseling or getting extra help.
Caregiving takes a lot of energy. However, you are more than a caregiver. You should also build other important relationships beyond the person you care for. Caring for a someone else can sometimes affect your relationship with your spouse or partner. Balancing caregiving responsibilities with personal relationships require open, honest, and respectful communication.
Here are some tips to stay connected to your spouse or partner:
Be open about your feelings. It’s okay and necessary to admit when you’re stressed, overwhelmed, or need support. Bottling up emotions will only lead to resentment between you and the person you are caring for.
Keep each other informed. Emergencies arise and new caregiving tasks will come up. It’s important to keep your partner up to date when changes occur.
Set boundaries together. Caregiving can affect all aspects of your life. The Care Needs Worksheet will help you identify which caregiving tasks are too much for you to handle. Work with your partner, care recipient, family, or community supports to relieve some of the pressure.
Make time for each other. Schedule or take advantage of opportunities for little chats, meals, walks, or other moments to enjoy quality time with your spouse or partner.
Ask for help. Accept help when your spouse or partner offers it. They may want to do what they can to support you as a caregiver. If you need help with caregiving, ask for it. Learn more about how to ask for help.
Say thank you. It’s important to acknowledge the ways that your spouse or partner helps you as a caregiver.
Recognize signs of strain. If caregiving or time issues are hurting your relationship, take action to fix it. Speak to a professional counselor or join a support group.
Here are some simple steps to ask family and friends for help:
Admit you need help. Remember, asking for help isn’t failure. It’s a way to get what you need for your care recipient and yourself.
Start small. Ask for help with simple tasks. You might need someone to pick up groceries or sit with the care recipient for an hour. This can build confidence and trust over time.
Be clear. Say exactly what you need, like "Can you take mom to her doctor's appointment on Friday?"
Use tools. Find organizational tools, technology, or helpful apps that let you create a calendar where friends and family can volunteer for specific tasks.
Reframe the request. Emphasize how their support will greatly benefit the care recipient. Present this as a valuable opportunity, not just a task.
Dementia is a progressive illness. It is an umbrella term to describe a range of neurological conditions affecting the brain that worsen over time. Dementia is the loss of the ability to think, remember, and reason to levels that affect daily life and activities.
Dementia gradually affects the way a person communicates as well as the way caregivers should communicate with them. Caregivers must communicate well if their care recipient is living with dementia. This helps build a good relationship. It supports the older adult's dignity and shares information effectively.
Learn what to expect. Your care recipient may have difficulty finding words, organizing words logically, and describing things by name. The person you are caring for may speak less often or rely on gestures and body language. These changes may occur alongside hearing and vision loss. This combination makes communication even harder.
Speak clearly. Use shorter sentences, avoid mumbling, and speak slowly.
Keep engaging. Look them in the eyes when you talk. Let them share their thoughts. Encourage them to join in conversations with others.
Maintain dignity. Try not to patronize or infantilize your care recipient , avoid ridiculing them if they misspeak, and give them time to respond to questions.
Divert instead of correcting. Instead of correcting someone’s memory, steer the conversation to something else. Use a gentle transition to focus on the present or suggest an activity. For example, if your mother asks, “Where is your father? He is late.” Your instinct may be to correct the information, “Remember, Mom, Dad died 40 years ago.” Instead change the subject and say something like, “He’s not coming home today. Let’s go for a walk.”
Give choices. Offer yes or no questions or offer choices to make communication less complicated.
Use other ways to communicate. Use body language and rephrase rather than repeat questions when they do not understand a question.
Avoid arguing. You may find your care recipient saying things that are offensive or hurtful. When this occurs , steer the chat toward positive topics to avoid correcting them or starting an argument.
Learn more about communicating with loved ones living with dementia.
Here are a few tips to make it easier to communicate with a person who may have difficulty hearing:
- Make sure they know you are speaking to them. Face the person directly, at eye level, so that they can see that you are addressing them. It can be difficult for anyone to hear when speaking from different rooms. Background noise like a television can drown the sounds of other voices. Many people with hearing loss understand better when they have the opportunity to read lips as well as listen.
- Talk clearly and in a normal tone, do not enunciate. Shouting or speaking in a raised voice distorts language sounds and can give the impression of anger or impatience, and a high-pitched voice can be hard to hear. Make it clear when you are changing the subject, such as by pausing briefly or using gentle transition words.
- Use technology to assist if the individual wants. Amplification devices may help you communicate clearly, without having to raise the volume of your voice. If the person you are caring for uses an assistive listening device such as a hearing aid, or cochlear implant. If they are, ask if it is working correctly. Be mindful they do have a choice to wear their assistive listening device. Offer alternative technology such a CART (Communication Access Realtime Translation) captioning if need be.
- Maintain dignity. Having physical, sensory, or cognitive impairments does not lessen the maturity of the person you are caring for. Try not to patronize or infantilize the person you are caring for. Avoid ridiculing them if they misspeak and give them time to respond to questions. If they misunderstand a question, repeating in different words may prove helpful.
- Be sure that they understand you. Ask for confirmation or watch their body language to see if they understand what you said.
- Write things down. Keep a notepad handy so you can write down important points, such as names and events.